How “Avengers: Endgame” Helped Me In My Eating Disorder Recovery

I had high hopes for Avengers: Endgame, and if I’m honest, I couldn’t imagine most of them would be fulfilled.

Thing is, I’m a fan. A super fan. I’ve been reading Marvel fanfiction for almost a decade. I’ve been writing it since Age of Ultron. I knew from experience not to get my hopes up too high for Endgame.

Yet Marvel surprised me: They made me laugh. They made me cry over the strength of friendships and Peter Parker losing his father figure. And they made me cheer when the shield was passed to Sam Wilson, meaning that from now on, Captain America would be portrayed by an actor of color.

Marvel also helped me along in my eating disorder recovery.

Yeah, you and me both. I didn’t expect this either.

Alright, a bit of context.

I’ve been struggling with bulimia since late 2011. I was 20 and once again in a smaller body for the first time in over a decade. I had lost a lot of weight years prior but was terrified of regaining the pounds I’d shed.

In 2010/2011, my perfectly laid-out plan for the future failed and the fact that other people’s decisions had control over the path my life would take truly hit home. Food became a way to reclaim control, both over my life and my body. And while this explanation is overly simplistic and ignores a multitude of other factors at play in the genesis of my eating disorder, it still marks a vital…