Shame: What Food Made Me Do
Warning for discussion of eating disorder behaviors
This week, everything in the little bubble of the world that I inhabit seems to have conspired. From the new podcast I started to the latest Netflix show I devoured, everything seems to be nudging me towards one topic: shame.
When is the last time you talked about something you’re ashamed of? I, for one, can’t remember… even though there is so much in my past to draw from.
I used to think there is a good reason for the silence — protecting myself from negative feelings, from other people’s judgements. Yet what if breaking our silence and accepting the shame would free us from this baggage altogether? What if I, talking about my shame, will show others that they aren’t alone, that there is no need to hide this from ourselves, to pretend it didn’t happen.
That’s how I felt when I listened to Jameela Jamil. On her podcast iWeigh, she talks about how she would binge on food until the only comfortable position for her was on all fours because her stomach was so full.
While I never experienced that exact same moment — mostly because I was bulimic and would simply purge through self-induced vomiting rather than sit with the discomfort — it reminded me of the many things I did do during my days of disordered eating.
